i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
