went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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