im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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