it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
either way he was missing a nipple.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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