I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
