Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
