It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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