I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
