I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
