i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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