Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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