i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
