I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
