I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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