I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
