nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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