Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
