he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
