They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Maybe he injected his testicle?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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