I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
