He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
