Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I touched a dick in church today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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