I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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