I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
