Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
