The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
