a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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