Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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