Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
