No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
