I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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