It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
her vagine was all disorganized.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize