Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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