it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
