I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
