sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
