he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
