Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
