I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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