All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize