kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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