dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
