What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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