i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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