He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize