That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
