This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
