Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize