This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
