How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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