I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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