I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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