I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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