there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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