Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So much Jack, so little girl.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
