in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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