Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize