dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
