dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
