That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
