he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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