Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
