Old men and throwing up are my life now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
