the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
