Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
