Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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