I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
