What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
