She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
