i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
