Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
