she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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