I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
